Everytime before I blog, I have so many thoughts and things to say. Then everytime i come to this page to type, everything just goes blank, and the whole entry just becomes a how-a-day-in-my-life-has-been post. fantastic aint it.
Anyway. Yeah. I feel like, i shouldnt be in the musical at all. I mean like, Im sacrificing all my e-learning days and sleep just for that 1 cca point?! I wasting all that time that i could use to go online to chat, do e-learning, talk on the phone, do my piano, brush up on my html/css skills. they should just send handbells for a recording and play it there and then. Or they should just play some christmas carols or ask choir girls to sing again. that way, they can save on money, food, logistics, electriticty, time, and in other words, more money for MGS. see? its a win-win situation. It makes both priscilla and ms kon happy. nice right? not that i would make a very big difference right. if i wasnt there, the total estimated 1800 audience wouldnt notice, and the finale wouldnt be anything less than perfect. if i wasnt there, they really wouldnt notice me, cos im not someone whos acting a mean character. not that im complaining of being a 'supporting actress', because im not even one. im lower than that. handbells and strings dont even get piority. so what if God has blessed me with the ability to play bells - which in this case, MOST people find it totally easy. well its easy to ring on your own, thats cos you cant a lot of music with only 4 bells in one hand. but if you try ringing with a whole choir, and everyone has to watch the conductor and their score, and count with beat, and ring when you need to. its not that easy. but anyway. so what if He has? if people dont appreciate it, why then do they ask us to perform? we might as well dont if they come up to us and say "handbells is so easy, i bet i could play." and "handbells? practice what practice. i bet your five hours of practice isnt even worth my 1 hour of netball training." then whats the point right. we might as well just stick to our normal handbells practice sessions, and treat each and everyone like a performance just for God. im not saying that every performance we ring, i must have people coming up to me and say "wow thats really great i enjoyed it." i dont mind if no one comes to us and say that. but can the audience just show that tiny bit of respect that we deserve. when you guys play a netball or tennis match, we cheer and are attentive. so why is it that you guys cant just sit and listen? why do you have to talk to your friends how pathetic handbells is?! tennis is really easy too. you just take the ball, throw it and hit it. then you see it coming back to you, you just hit it back. DUH. netball also. you take the ball and throw to your team member. the shooter gets the ball and shoot. so what kind of training do you need! if people in the netball training/club can play proper netball, how come some (not pointing fingers to anyone) in the handbells training cant ring properly? doesnt it show that handbells is also a difficult thing. but whatever right. people dont really care. and how expensive can a netball get. maximum 500 bucks? thats not even WORTH HALF of what ONE bell costs. i keep telling myself that i have to ring for the joy of the Lord, but how often can i do that. the only time i feel like im really ringing for Him, is during the practice sessions, not the actual performance itself. just like when i sing the finale, i dont feel myself singing for God, just singing for the sake of singing. so many times i wish that you would just come and watch me play. but now, i'd reather not have any audience. because it is then that everything becomes a show. and everyone hides behind pretty make up and attire, and performs not just for the Lord, but for the ever-critising audience. and everyone pastes plastic smiles on their face, where not a single strand of hair is out of place, because then it would be considered messy. and people dont get to see you for you as it is. it is also when you share your attention between the Lord and the audience. and chances are, you often give God 0.01%, and the other 99.9% is to the audience, hoping that they wouldnt notice that mistake, hoping the conductor doesnt stare at you, and DYING for the camera man to take a photo shot of you ( well the last one's not for me). honestly, how often when you perform, you block out the audience and replace them with God. well i'd be honest and say, almost never. even during founders day and opening ceremony. whatever. I'd much rather be in the training group.
strangely, if they kicked me out of the musical, i would be more happy than sad. i dont really care anymore.
wether you read that or not, i dont really care. because its just what i think. if you can make all these wishes of mine come true. well i'd say you're my fairygod mother. if you dont know what they are, then dont bother because the above was just so full of shit. the only fun time in the musical is when we're not playing, and we're not doing the finale. and to top this fantastic feeling, i got scolded on wednesday for maiking a statement, not talking back to a teacher. whatever.
Wait Outside
Date Created: 160208
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Lyrics in image by All Time Low, Jasey Rae
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