I think I'm running dry. After Saturday's screwed up worship, it's like, I kinda gave up. All that I recently committed myself to not doing, I did. Such as, using my phone during service, zoning out, falling asleep etc. Even during youth meeting. It's like I didn't give a shit about anything anymore. And then I didn't do quiet time anymore. After youth meeting was PW meeting, which reminds me, I still have to do. After PW I met my sissy and Luwin to go shopping before Hairy Pootter. I swear I tried on different pairs of jeans at least ten times (different cuts, colours, sizes) before I finally decided on a pair. And my sister only tried her jeans 2 times before she settled on it. AND THEN, I saw the coolest belt ever. It was
GREEN, and it was dual-coloured! Like, dark green on one side, light green on the other. So you could flip the buckle back and forth. Like a 2-in-1 belt. But the worst part was that it didn't fit me. Like I had to make more holes in it before it would be considered a belt that actually serves its purpose. And the lady said she couldn't make more holes, so...DAMN IT.
But Potter was really good. Draco Malfoy is by far the most good-looking character in the Half Blood Prince. The missing battle at the astronomy tower was really such a disappointment though. But I guess it's because it's kinda hard to show why Dumbledore's Army would suddenly appear, considering the producers did not introduce the "Enchanted Coins" that Hermoine came up with in the Order of the Phoenix. Nor did they show how Draco managed to stay undetected in the room of requirement because he had Crabbe and Goyle standing outside disguised as other students using Polyjuice potions. Omg I still remember things from the book heh heh(:
But after that, I stayed up the entire night to do my GP file. I kept falling asleep halfway though. Sigh. I ended up sleeping only at 4am. And on Monday I wanted an early night but I had to finish up my Chemistry tutorial, and I had to wrap Ernest's present. And Kwok didn't even do much. Just "Yo bitch, happy birthday!" wtp.
Today I got the cash. And it just sank in. Like, my goodness, every thing is real. It's happening. You exist...but not in my life. I could go on living without you in my life, but it doesn't mean that a day will go by when I don't think of you and how much you mean to me. All I'm ever hearing about you is "He said that he said" how pathetic is that. I just need finality, closure. Even if it's not good, at least it's something.
Thinking about this makes me feel so empty, so hopeless, so lousy about myself that nothing in school can make things better for me.
Maybe when one day I'm feeling better and all over everything, when I read this post I'll laugh at how ridiculous I'm being. But for now, fml.
