I am very very tired. Not just physically, but jaded. And the worst part? It's not because I've been studying so much. Contrary to that, I'm studying WAY TO LITTLE. I remember in sec2 I used to have a really high efficiency rate and study like crazy for hours on end. (I used to stay up till 1am to study, but now I can't even last till 12) And now I've just been degraded to this little piece of retard with no functioning brain whatsover.
I feel so undermined when April and Nic and Cheryl and Gis stay back during recess to study. And then off I go skipping to the canteen to indulge in spending money and fattening myself. When in reality it should be that they are the ones going off to eat because they deserve it cos they work so hard. And me? Yeah, whatever. It's like I don't deserve to eat. I don't deserve the break. And now my class is becoming so anti social. (apart from our recent gossip session about Miley Cirus hahahha)
I mean seriously. When was the last time I had a DECENT LIGHT-HEARTED conversation with SS101 (April, Cheryl, Gis, Nic)? You know, I can't remember. And I don't know if the reason I can't remember is because I've been so stressed my short term memory is totally acting up again, or that it was so long ago there's no way you could remember it.
And my conversations with my desk partner Yinger? "Eh what did you study yesterday?" "How much studying did you do during the weekend?" "You know what! I did (insert number) chapters of (insert subject)!" [Wow so good! I only did (insert number) chapters of (insert subject)] "Today when I go home I'm going to study (insert subject)" "Ehh how do you do this question? Doesn't ...." "Where do you intend to go after MG?" "Wait hold on, I need to listen to (insert teacher's name) first"
Maybe it's better off being alone, so at least you won't know the difference between company and being left behind/alone. Then you won't know the difference between conversation and silence. And no differentiation does not help in this case.
You know what? I'm just gonna bury myself in books so I won't need to think of all this shit.
Wait Outside
Date Created: 160208
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