"He spread his hand over his chest as the pain ebbed, dared, stopped. And was not really surprised to find that he could no longer feel the beat of his heart."
And maybe, that is what's happening to me. I think a lot (does this surprise you? haha) and I have all these nice phrases strung out in my head. And I can't wait to type it out so I can remember them. But then when I get on the computer, I just, forget. Haha.
School has been pretty quiet of sorts. There's always someone absent in school. I realise I can go a week without talking to my friends even if we see each other. Some friend I am huh. I am SO FAR BEHIND my studying I don't think I will do very well. To think that the very promise I made myself becomes the first promise I break in that aspect. That I will never allow myself to screw up the way you did because the last person I want to be like is YOU. I feel like a failure. But I guess that only goes to show what great God is, and how small I am. My motivation: If April Chye can do it, so can I.
It really sucks going for some lesson knowing you can't pay attention because you won't have any idea what the teacher is saying. So you do other work and feel unproductive.
But you know what sucks more? Going to class knowing there's a 100% chance the teacher will look at you like you're incapable of thinking, and having a 99% chance you'd get picked on. Thank goodness today was the 1%.
I feel like I am the most efficient time waster I've ever known. If I'd just maximise my time, I'd have so much more time to study and complete things. Here are the times that I could use for studying instead of doing some other unproductive shit stuff.
6:50-7:15 (25 minutes): Sleeping/chatting/stoning 7:35-7:40 (5 minutes): I could be filing up stuff so I save time when I study instead of talking to Yinger
In between lessons (10 mintues on average): Sleeping/ walking around/ go wash face Recess: 40 minutes. THAT'S DAMN A LOT OF TIME?! And I do nonsense stuff. Great. After school: I spend 40 minutes eating stuff I don't need and waste so much energy climbing up about 20 flights of steps. (But I'm changing the last two already) :)
In the car: I could be revising the stuff I studied and talk to myself like a retard so I won't forget the things I've put into my sponge brain. And instead I choose to listen to Edward and try and recall lyrics of "Poppin Champagne" and other All Time Low songs.
10 minutes while waiting for the heater (it's solar powered, so it takes time to warm up) I could be reading my Bible and instead I choose to play around with my phone. After I bathe I spend so long stoning when I could be trimming my toenails (haha I have no idea why they grow so fast)
Before dinner I choose to do everything but study. Sigh. I will post a picture so that people are more attracted to it than my useless ranting.
Wait Outside
Date Created: 160208
Image taken by Sherylene
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Lyrics in image by All Time Low, Jasey Rae
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